24 September 2015

Self Confidence

I have to admit self confidence for me has often been something that I have struggled with. I've had to deal with my fair share of bullying and it really pulled my self confidence through the  floor. I have since regained most of my confidence but it has taken me a really long time to do so. 

During my first year of high school I was picked on by some girls as I walked home everyday. This wasn't the first time that I had had a run in with bullying. One day I was sick of everything they had been doing and went to see the principal, and after that it stopped. Someone told me that I needed to stop looking down when I walked because it made me look like a target, really its true if someone sees you not paying much attention they want to get your attention. I still had to walk past those girls every day but in my head I asked myself "Do I want to look as small as a mouse or as tall as a mountain?". Although I'm only 5'2 it reall is about the way that you feel inside, when I first started saying it it made me stop staring at the ground and lift my head. It seems like a little thing but it really made me feel a lot better about myself.

Both this year and last year I've found a group of really amazing friends. I've always had a small group of close friends but its expanded within the last two years. I had friends outside of the group who seem to have combined in and we are always accepting of new people into our group. And its really helped me become a much more confident person, self loving and accepting person. Within my friend group every single person has taught me something about myself or taught me something in general. Whether that's not to care what other people think, that some situations really aren't that big of a deal, to open up to people, or that sometimes you need to tell people how your feeling.

I will admit that I do still have my struggles and there are days where I just want to sit and home in my comfy clothes or sometimes not even get changed out of my pyjamas for the day. Days where I don't feel great, but talking to someone about what's happening or just talking to my friends in general really helps me when I'm down. On the days where I'm not feeling great I used to stand in front of the mirror and say to myself "I am beautiful" or "I am worth it", even if I didn't believe it at the time I began to believe it one day. Sometimes you have to do the silliest things to make you feel better about yourself. Like smiling with the biggest cheesy smile when you feel like crying. Now I'm not saying to hide your emotions because telling people is one of the best things you can do, but being silly and challenging yourself when you have those negative thoughts is a coping skill that I have taught myself to do.

All in all self confidence is not something that you can learn from anyone, after all it's the way that you look at yourself, nor can it be learnt over night. As I said it took me a really long time to learn/ get back my self confidence but it can be done, and that's coming from experience. You really just have to believe in yourself and argue yourself when you have those negative thoughts because you are awesome, because you are you.

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